Monday, August 1, 2011

Heeeeeee's Heeeeeere!!

Ok, well, he's BEEN here! LOL! Brock Anthony Barbosa was born on Wednesday, May 18th at 10:14 am. He was 20.25" long and weighed 8 lbs 12 oz. He will be 11 weeks old this Wednesday and the time has FLOWN! I will make this one long blog about his first few days, then I will be starting a new blog 'Brock Talk' that will have updates on his growth, milestones, and mommy advice!!

My last week of pregnancy I got this condition called PUPPS (pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy). It only happens to about 1% of pregnant women and somehow I managed to get it. I figured I was due one bad symptom because the rest of my pregnancy was so wonderful. It was incredibly uncomfortable because every part of my body just itched like crazy. And the more I would scratch, the more it would itch! My doctor called in pills, cream, everything and nothing really helped. It was definitely not something I would wish on anyone, but they say the chances of it happening again are very very rare.

As I talked about in previous posts, due to my 'narrow' anatomy and the predicted size of Baby B, my doctor made the decision to schedule a c-section before his due date, but after the 'safe' point. She didn't want him to get much bigger but she wanted to make sure we gave him every chance to be fully developed. My c-section was scheduled for Wednedsay so I made the previous Friday my last day at work before maternity leave. Those first 2 days of the week at home were TORTURE!! I was so anxious/nervous/excited...Monday I cooked tons of food, cleaned the house, made sure all our bags were ready and that the baby's room was ready to go. I even got out in the terrible heat and trimmed all of our bushes in front of our house!! LOL! Tuesday was a different story, that's when the panic set in. Not really panic of having a baby, but of being cut open!! I was terrified and a total mess! I hadn't slept for 3 days because I was just thinking about it, so with the 'ok' of the nurses I took some Tylenol PM the night before my surgery to get a good nights sleep. It helped SO MUCH!

The day of the surgery I woke up ready to go. Since it was already scheduled, I took a shower, shaved my legs, did my hair and make up, as many things as I could do to make myself feel 'pretty' before going in to the hospital. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to do those things for awhile so I made sure I went in feeling as good as possible! Nick's stomach was in knots so we had to stop by and get him some calming medicine on the way to the hospital!! LOL! Again, since it was scheduled we got in right away. As soon as we walked into our room, they had all these needles and medical equipment laid out and I lost it. They took my blood pressure and it was super high due to my nerves! LOL! The nurses were so wonderful and got me calmed down. The doctor was ready to go early so my 10:30 scheduled time was bumped up to a little before 10am. Having (very fortunately) never been a patient in a hospital before, I was soooo scared of the anesthesia, the procedure, everything. When they first took me back to the room, Nick wasn't allowed to come with me until I was totally numb and the room was ready. I was so scared they would forget to get him to come in the room!

The nurses did the best job of telling me what was going on, keeping me calm and getting me ready for the surgery. The anesthesia was a very strange feeling. It almost felt like a big weight on my chest at first. But once the doctor started going, things progressed super fast. They surgery started at about 10 and by 10:14 our beautiful baby boy was screaming and peeing all over the place! The first thing our doctor said was 'He looks just like his Dad!' I'll never forget that feeling when I heard his little scream and saw his precious face when she lifted him over the curtain for me to see him. He was absolutely perfect and I just started crying tears of joy immediately. He pee'd all over everything as they were weighing him!! Definitely showing his 'boy' personality.

They got him weighed, measured and cleaned up and then gave him to Nick. Nick brought him over to me and he was still crying and as soon as he heard my voice, he stopped and tried to open his eyes to see me! That was an amazing feeling. The lights were too bright so he couldn't get them open right away, but he knew his mama was right there! My doctor got me stitched back up really quickly and we were being wheeled to our room! I got to hold him on our way to the room and that's when he really opened his eyes for the first time. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! As they wheeled us in to our room, both our families were huddled in the waiting room peeking in and taking pics like paparazzi!!

Nick and I got to spend an hour of time with just us and the baby. He nursed a little bit, did some skin to skin time with Mommy and mostly just laid there while we both stared at him in total amazement! They gave him his first little bath and put him under the warmer. That's when we let the families come in and see him. My dad, Mom, Pat, Mia, Gary and Judy were the first ones in the room and they were all just looking at him and taking pictures! He just laid on the warmer totally alert letting them all check him out. We announced his name and everyone was so excited!

We were in the hospital just over 3 days and had so many visitors! We felt so blessed to have so many people come excited to meet our little angel! We were shocked by how alert Brock was from the beginning. He was already start to pick his head up off my chest from the first day! The nurses at St. Luke's South were unbelievably amazing!! I decided that as soon as I could have all the tubest taken out of me and I could start moving around, I wanted to. They were so supportive and helped me through everything. Wednesday night was the earliest I could get everything taken out/off and as long as I could walk to the bathroom, they said I was good to go. I couldn't get that stuff off soon enough! I was up walking that night and able to take a shower and start walking more the next day.

I think moving so soon actually helped my recovery. I was on minimal pain meds after I left the hospital and really only took them at home for about the first week. Now, emotionally was a totally different story. I should probably dedicate an entire blog to this, but I'll just add it here. The night we got home, I hit a wall. I think my hormones totally bottomed out and I was so exhausted that I just couldn't function. I was anxious, tired and an emotional mess! This continued for about a week. The 2nd day we were home was the worst. I spent the ENTIRE day crying. I could barely hold Brock because it would just make me sad. I felt so overwhelmed and like I all of the sudden wasn't ready for this. I felt like I missed our old life of being able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. I felt guilty for feeling that way because we had this amazing, beautiful, HEALTHY baby boy. These were all feelings I NEVER expected to feel. I thought you fall so deeply in love that you're just in this cloud of bliss after the baby. While I was unconditionally in love with this little baby, I was struggling at the same time. My doctor called it the 'Baby Blues' and apparently it's very very common and most women experience it on some level. I had never heard of it before so I was feeling like the worst mother in the world at first! Learning that it's a very normal thing actually helped me cope. Nick and my mom literally saved me during those first 48 hours home. The first night was rough, so my mom spent the night the 2nd night and they took care of the baby while I got some good sleep. That made a WORLD of difference and each day got a little better than the last. I think it's important to talk about this because all women should know you're not a terrible mom or alone if you have these feelings!

Breastfeeding was hands down the most difficult thing I've ever done. While Brock was a total champ when he was trying to latch and was so patient and never really got frustrated. In fac, he would almost get 'too comfy' and would fall asleep every time I tried to nurse. When we left the hospital he was down to 8lbs 4 oz and a little dehydrated so they had us supplementing with a little newborn formula to keep his weight up. It got to the point that when nursing, he would fall asleep so hard that nothing would wake him up. We tried cold rags, pinching/poking him, clothes on, clothes off, changing his diaper, none of it would keep him up for more than a few minutes, if that. It was such an intense struggle, but see the first post in 'Brock Talk' for how we got through it.

Overall, the whole experience is exactly what everyone says it will be and more. People tell you, 'your life is going to change' and 'you're going to fall in love more than you know' and all I can say is they are SO RIGHT, but it's something you can never really grasp until you're there. Every day I love Brock more and more (which I didn't even think was possible) and I've learned more about myself in the past 11 weeks than I have in my whole life. I've learned it's ok to be vulnerable and to let other people help you. I've learned I'm both stronger and weaker than I thought - both in different areas. I've learned what it really means to love something so much it hurts. And more importantly, I've learned about putting someone else 100% before myself. I've also learned about what's really important in life. I've already noticed a few people that I have cut out of my life just because they bring nothing but negative energy. I gained almost 70 lbs with him and while it kills me everyday because I have such a long way to go to lose it, I've learned that for once, there is something in my life so much more important than my pant size. Fitting into those old pants as quickly as I would like, would mean missing time out with my son and right now, it's SOOOO not worth it!

For those of you who followed my pregnancy journey, thank you for being there with me!! The ride has just begun and I hope you'll stay with me!! Be sure to check out 'Brock Talk' for updates on him and advice for all you other mommies out there! Oh and for those of you who aren't my friends on Facebook he's a picture of my baby boy on the day he was born:

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